Mourning the loss of a spirit guide
It hit me like a brick yesterday and this morning in meditation I was told why Lakukta had to leave.
Lakukta was a human and I met him again in the past life experience about 18 months ago. I was the bored and cosseted daughter of a merchant family in late 1600s / early 1700s.
At 18 I escaped aboard one of my dad’s ships pretending to be a 12yr old ship’s boy.
By the time the crew worked out who I was it was too late to turn back. We were sailing East and stopped for fresh supplies in Borneo. I went off exploring on my own and met a huge warrior Lakukta.
He taught me the spiritual connection with the natural world and we fell in love. In the past life experience I went through the heart opening and connection with him again, it was tangible, my words cannot describe it.
We vanished into the forest and the crew sailed on without me. 2/3 years later my father sent 2 ships to find me, they found us both. I was put on 1 ship, Lakukta in chains on another & I never saw him again. Back in England I didn’t want to live without him and starved myself to death.
So yesterday the brick hit me that he was leaving me. My heart broke and I was devastated. I pleaded and pleaded for him not to leave but he was saying that he must and I didn’t have a choice. I saw him give me my heart back as I had given it away to him.
All my incarnations have been affected by this experience. I had been holding on to the deep love & soul connection with Lakukta and because of this my heart has been closed to any other deep love experiences. I’ve subconsciously only wanted his connection again, and after this past life experience I more consciously only wanted him. I had been weighing up all love opportunities to the connection I had with him.
This morning in meditation my main guide Khan told me that it had to be this way. He gave me a soothing cup of his herbal tea and explained. Lakukta’s not completely gone as he’s spirit and connected to me, but he no longer sits in my circle of guides.
Lakukta’s presence as a guide was trying to show me the experience and to let it go, but I wasn’t, so more drastic action was needed.
Now I feel a little lighter in my heart as if unlocked, a barrier breaking down. I also can look back on the past life experience simply as a memory, without the roller coaster of emotions that had gone with it. This is always the transformational goal of a past life experience, there should be no resonance of it as it becomes integrated.
I had not let go because the connection was so strong, tangible and I hadn’t felt it in this life to have a comparison and so I held on to it.
I know this was the right thing for you to do Lakukta, thank you for giving me this healing experience.